She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
