franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
