DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize