he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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