i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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