I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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