Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
