i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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