God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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