I showed him my bush... on skype.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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