I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
