at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
