My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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