It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
