never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
