Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I love having hate sex.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
