girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
