she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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