hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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