The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
