you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
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