So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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