And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
