No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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