omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
