Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
