you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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