i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
