My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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