i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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