Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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