I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
