Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
