Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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