She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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