you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Green mimosas i think yes
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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