marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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