stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
