the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize