Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
