So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
