just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
