Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
