aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
