went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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