you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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