I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
