I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
