We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
