i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
