Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
