i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
