HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
