Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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