Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
