During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
