You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
