He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
