The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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