so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
