The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
