you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
