so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
