I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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