Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
