singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
