I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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