I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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