I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
