She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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