I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
