I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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