Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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