Too much gin, very little bucket
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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