so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
