our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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