I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm at about main and main street
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
