I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
